Hey everyone. I hope that all is well. The past few weeks have been busy for me and I've been getting home a lot later than usual. I've got home, ate dinner (sometime) and went right to bed! In the midst of my busy weeks I kept reading, seeing, and hearing about Bruce Jenner's transition to "Caitlyn" Jenner. A few magazines, bloggers, and social media personalities asked for my input on the issue, but I've remained somewhat silent (other than a few Instagram posts and some memes about Kris Jenner). I wanted to take some time to process everything and to also reflect on what this all means for us as a society. I also took into account how this has affected some of my friends who have transitioned or who are considering transitioning.
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| photo courtesy of cnn.com |
First of all, let me say that no one knows who your true authentic self is but you. There are many of us that go to sleep with something personal, a secret that you aren't willing to share yet, or "skeletons in your closet". For Bruce to make the decision to transition to Caitlyn is a bold, daring, frightening, and brave all at the same time. Everyone came out making comments, writing posts, and giving their opinion after seeing the pictures, but without having read the article. The biggest thing is that the transition from Bruce to Caitlyn was not for the public or anyone else, but rather for Caitlyn to be herself. The media was quick to jump on the bandwagon and give their opinion of Annie Leibovitz's photos of Caitlyn Jenner. I, too, was guilty of looking at Caitlyn's physical features without thinking about the back-lying story. What people fail to realize is that issues of being transgender is not new to society; it's just a big issue because Jenner is a famous person. Bruce Jenner, at one point, was considered one of the best male athletes in the world and people said that he was the epitome of masculinity. So for this "manly man" to transition to a woman has flipped some people's world upside down. That's what you/we get for labeling someone and expecting them to fit into our expectations of what we think they should be and how they should live their life. Jon Stewart of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" called out the media for being sexist and put things in perspective (see the video
here). I also loved this video which showed how
young children responded to the transition to Caitlyn. Caitlyn is not the first public figure to transition. In fact, Playboy has an article in their July/August issue about how
Caroline "Tula" Cossey, a British model and Bond girl, was the first transgender woman to pose in Playboy. This was back in 1981 and 1982. When it was discovered that Tula was a transgender woman, the media went crazy and wanted to make a spectacle about the whole thing. What gets me is that the only reason why these stories are such a big deal is because the people transitioning are in public view, however there are approximately 700,000 transgender men and women in our country today..
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| Lailah, Laverne, and friends (photo courtesy of Lailah's facebook page) |
I have a few friends that have transitioned or who are in the process, and their struggle is very real. Their struggle isn't necessarily for acceptance, because they are being their true authentic self, but rather for fair and equal treatment. A bit ago, my friend Lailah and I worked together at a drag restaurant in New York City (she actually recommended me for the job) and it was there that she introduced me to Laverne Cox (this was well before season 1 of OITNB). We used to talk a lot, and I learned a great deal about the issues of the transgender community. People always refer to the LGBT community, but it's usually the "T" that often goes forgotten about or swept under the carpet. There were many times when Lailah spoke about the challenges of being transgender, from having legal documents (like a driver's license or passport) changed, to being treated nastily at restaurants, to people treating her like an object of fantasy, to people treating her like a "freak" or a "fetish", to the struggle to find true love. She has always been up front and honest with me and I think that for her to do so is absolutely wonderful, but as a friend it is absolutely devastating for me to hear some of the things that people say and do. I quite honestly feel ashamed and embarrassed sometimes. Knowing Lailah and her raw uncut honesty has made be a better person, and I hope that it has made me a better friend to her. Although people in New York are protected by anti-discrimination laws (only 19 states have laws to protect transgender workers), club and bar owners have their way of getting around employing members of the transgender community. Health insurance and coverage is sometimes problematic, and the privilege that I have of being accepted as a contributing member of society is something that Lailah has to fight for on a daily basis. I find this absurd as there there are muggers, killers, and people committing sexual assaults on the subway on a daily basis (the groping is out of control!) walking the streets.Yet we have made transgender people to feel like they are "out of the norm" and are not as worthy of the treatment we are automatically afforded. Don't you see something wrong with that?
In Caitlyn Jenner's interview with Vanity Fair, we learn a lot about
what it was like growing up as "Bruce Jenner" in the 1950s and being a young boy who was struggling with gender dysphoria. Having grown up in the 1950s, the only mainstream concept of a transgender woman was that of Christine Jorgensen, a former World War G.I., originally from The Bronx, NY, who went to Denmark for sexual reassignment surgery. In the interview Jenner recalled trying on her sister's and mother's clothes at the age of 10 and walking around outside. Jenner also recalled how he (at the time) was diagnosed with dyslexia and how running in a race in 5th grade revealed that he was the fastest person in school. Sports stepped in and "saved my life." The interview covers Jenner's growing up in Cornwall, NY, then going to Sleepy Hollow High School (NY), and then transferring to Newtown High School in Sandy Hook, CT in the middle of 11th grade. Because of Jenner's athletic ability, Bruce was a standout in football and basketball and was a popular face in school because "jocks are always popular". Bruce spun those athletic talents into a football scholarship to small Graceland College in Iowa, but due to a career-ending knee injury, his football career was short lived. It was then that a coach introduced Bruce to the decathlon and Bruce literally took the world by storm by winning the decathlon at the 1971 Kansas Relays and making the US Olympic team in 1972. While all of this male-bravado success was taking place, Jenner explained that there was a battle going on inside that no one knew of. In the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Jenner finished 10th in the event, but trained over the next four years, and in the Olympics in Montreal in 1976, Bruce Jenner was crowned "the world's greatest athlete" when he the captured the gold. With all that was going on in the country at the time (the sobering reality of Vietnam, Watergate, and the oil embargo), the U.S. was starving for a hero. Jenner's win became more than a personal victory, but rather a national one. This only clouded reality for Jenner even more. He recalled that he had never felt so empty than the day after he won the gold when he stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked (wearing nothing but the medal around his neck). Nothing inside for him had changed, and now the expectations of society now made it harder for him to be truthful about who his true authentic self was. Jenner was the hot topic EVERYWHERE. He was even drafted in the 1977 NBA draft by the Kansas City Kings. He had tons of endorsements and made tons of appearances. Jenner said that "underneath my suit I have a bra and pantyhose and this and that and thinking to myself, They know nothing about me." I've already given you a lot about what's in the article, but you should definitely read it as it goes into more detail about Bruce's challenges as a father, husband, and eventual reality TV personality. The article is well written and presents Bruce (and introduces Caitlyn) in a very real way.
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| Lailah and I at work |
In addition to my friendship with Lailah, I learned a lot about trangender issues when I was an undergrad. Professor Jennifer Finney Boylan, a professor at my small liberal arts college, transitioned. I was there before, during, and after her transition. Shortly after I graduated she wrote a New York Times Best Seller, her autobiography "
She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" , and was featured two episodes of Oprah. It was amazing to see how our school community supported her, but it was also very numbing to read about the inner struggles she had while also figuring out how to make the family dynamic work. I am still in touch with her until this day and I love that she treats me the same way she did before he transition, and taught me that the only thing that has changed is her physical appearance. Her outer appearance now matched what she had felt inside for so many years. The last time I was in touch with Laverne, it was while I was visiting Lailah at a bar she worked at. Laverne walked in, and you could see that the friendship and love between Lailah and Laverne was authentic and that they had been through some tough times together. We caught up, shared some laughs and memories, and talked about some of Laverne's upcoming projects. . It's wonderful that she has gone on to be successful, but it was even more refreshing to see that she was still the same Laverne from years before the fame. Over the years, it has been nice to see that transgender issues are being addressed and is becoming less taboo. We still have a long way to go as a society, but at least now we can be more inclusive of all of the letters (and groups) when we say the "LGBT Community". Whether it's Caitlyn, Laverne, Lailah, or Jennifer, I've learned a lot and respect each of them for the process they've gone through to be true to themselves (despite the pain and turmoil that has come with it) and to show the world their true authentic self. While the decision to do such a thing is brave, these women didn't do it to be brave or for any accolades, but for the need to live life to its fullest being who they really are. Many people still battle with the fear revealing their true authentic self, but at the end of the day it is you who has to look at yourself in mirror . The question is, "are you happy with what you see"? Only you can honestly and truthfully answer that question.
Special thanks to Lailah Lansing for giving me permission to focus on her in this article, to Laverne Cox who continues to be amazing (hope to see you soon girl!), and to Jennifer Finney Boylan for continuing to be an amazing force in regards to her work in transgender activism.
Until next time, remember: "Being beautiful is not just about what you wear.".
*disclaimer: no offense is intended with using the pronoun "he". When referring to Bruce Jenner, I tried to use the corresponding male pronoun, but when referring to Caitlyn Jenner, I used the pronoun "she".*
what it was like growing up as "Bruce Jenner" in the 1950s and being a young boy who was struggling with gender dysphoria. Having grown up in the 1950s, the only mainstream concept of a transgender woman was that of Christine Jorgensen, a former World War G.I., originally from The Bronx, NY, who went to Denmark for sexual reassignment surgery. In the interview Jenner recalled trying on her sister's and mother's clothes at the age of 10 and walking around outside. Jenner also recalled how he (at the time) was diagnosed with dyslexia and how running in a race in 5th grade revealed that he was the fastest person in school. Sports stepped in and "saved my life." The interview covers Jenner's growing up in Cornwall, NY, then going to Sleepy Hollow High School (NY), and then transferring to Newtown High School in Sandy Hook, CT in the middle of 11th grade. Because of Jenner's athletic ability, Bruce was a standout in football and basketball and was a popular face in school because "jocks are always popular". Bruce spun those athletic talents into a football scholarship to small Graceland College in Iowa, but due to a career-ending knee injury, his football career was short lived. It was then that a coach introduced Bruce to the decathlon and Bruce literally took the world by storm by winning the decathlon at the 1971 Kansas Relays and making the US Olympic team in 1972. While all of this male-bravado success was taking place, Jenner explained that there was a battle going on inside that no one knew of. In the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Jenner finished 10th in the event, but trained over the next four years, and in the Olympics in Montreal in 1976, Bruce Jenner was crowned "the world's greatest athlete" when he the captured the gold. With all that was going on in the country at the time (the sobering reality of Vietnam, Watergate, and the oil embargo), the U.S. was starving for a hero. Jenner's win became more than a personal victory, but rather a national one. This only clouded reality for Jenner even more. He recalled that he had never felt so empty than the day after he won the gold when he stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked (wearing nothing but the medal around his neck). Nothing inside for him had changed, and now the expectations of society now made it harder for him to be truthful about who his true authentic self was. Jenner was the hot topic EVERYWHERE. He was even drafted in the 1977 NBA draft by the Kansas City Kings. He had tons of endorsements and made tons of appearances. Jenner said that "underneath my suit I have a bra and pantyhose and this and that and thinking to myself, They know nothing about me." I've already given you a lot about what's in the article, but you should definitely read it as it goes into more detail about Bruce's challenges as a father, husband, and eventual reality TV personality. The article is well written and presents Bruce (and introduces Caitlyn) in a very real way.
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